Jennifer's Body (2009) Directed by Karyn Kusama Length: 102 minutes Rated R for sexuality, bloody violence, language, and brief drug use
Horror has never been my genre of choice, though I have developed an appreciation for its nuances as I have grown as a movie critic. The sub-genre of horror-comedy (i.e. over-the-top violence, play on stereotypes, tongue-in-cheek humor) especially has become a favorite of mine in recent years. From the campy classics such as Sam Rami's Evil Dead trilogy to the modern masterpieces like Edgar Wright's Shaun of the Dead, few directors attempt horror-comedy, and even fewer do it well. Jennifer's Body is just such an attempt: hints and elements of a good movie that ultimately fails to capture the right mix of campy and scary.
Set in the small town of Devil's Kettle, there is little to do and even less excitement. All of this changes when a big city band playing a gig at the local watering hole meets Jennifer, a mischievous and "sexy" young girl they believe is a virgin: just perfect for the human sacrifice the band needs to offer the devil to become famous. Unfortunately for the band, Jennifer is anything but a virgin; this little factor results in a literal man-eating demon possessing Jennifer's body, with an insatiable appetite for man meat (keep it clean, readers!).
Playing the titular role is current male fantasy Megan Fox (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Jonah Hex). Personally, I still don't understand the infatuation with Fox. I find her look to be the product of Revlon and Maybelline, and her acting consists of being a sexual item. Aside from my personal beef, she is perfect for this role if simply because of those factors. Though I can't imagine her winning an Oscar anytime soon, she does know how to be the sultry seductress.
Though the film was a box office disaster and suffered horrible reviews, my initial interest stemmed from the writer of the screenplay, former stripper turned Oscar winning writer Diablo Cody. Many of you may be familiar with her previous work, 2008's darling Juno and perhaps her current series on Showtime The United States of Tara. If you have seen Juno, than you have an idea of what to expect this go around: more dialogue that would seem appropriate in any modern text message, lots of subtle sexuality, and lots of modern stereotypes that can be found at your local mall. While this may not seem appealing, it was well done in Juno; unfortunately this go around is less than stellar.
Though my expectations were not that high, especially considering the focus on Ms. Fox, I was still hoping Diablo Cody could deliver another great film a la Juno. Unfortunately, everything just falls flat. The movie is caught between wanting to embrace its campiness and being a social commentary on the teenage pressure to be beautiful and sexual. Instead, we get a poorly narrated story that tries to flash-forward to any scene involving Megan Fox being "sexy." While it isn't awful, I can think of better things to do with two hours of your life.
Final Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Favorite Quote: Nikolai Wolf: "I think it's important to reach out to our fans in the shitty areas, too."
The Blind Side (2009) Directed by John Lee Hancock Length: 129 minutes Rated PG-13 for one scene involving brief violence, drug, and sexual reference
The Blind Side is the story of Michael Oher, a young black man that has never had a stable home or family life, who is taken in by the wealthy (and white) Tuohy family and given a chance to succeed. With the Tuohy's love and support (both literally and monetarily), Oher is able to achieve success in the classroom as well as on the football field, eventually becoming a first-round pick of the Baltimore Ravens.
Alright, let me get my bitch list out the way so I can actually review this movie. First of all, coming from Memphis, as well as from a school that played Michael Oher in sports, the portrayal of the gentle giant is highly fictionalized. Yes, Oher came from a broken home with next-to-nothing, and yes he faced a lot of adversity in achieving the success he has; but the movie leads us to believe Oher is a functioning idiot that couldn't hurt a fly. This is a guy that faced serious racial tension in a predominately white community, often resulting in altercations or scuffles with opposing players or verbal conflicts with people in the stands. This isn't meant to convince you that Michael Oher was a bad kid; in fact, many people I knew in high school spoke highly of him. I assure you my intentions are not to paint Oher as a "thug" but to show that this wasn't some borderline idiot who never fought back.
Second, Sandra Bullock (The Proposal, One of the Guys) in her Oscar winning role as Leigh Anne Tuohy was definitely not deserving of her Oscar award or for that matter nomination. Is she atrocious? Not at all, but there is nothing here that makes her character outstanding or memorable beyond a feisty, southern accent. I have a hard time believing that Sandra Bullock's performance was better than the amazing Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia. Many of the scenes meant to show the demanding nature of Leigh Anne are so far-fetched that you almost cannot take the movie serious, even if they are meant for comedic effect.
With those major gripes aside, the movie isn't that bad. I honestly believe that if the film had been purely a piece of fiction or if it had loosely based its plot off of the Michael Oher story (i.e. changed the names, etc.), than it would have been a much more enjoyable experience. Watching a cheesy, "feel good" sports flick can be fun. What isn't fun is watching a biography that stretches the limits of the truth for the sake of making money. While it is most definitely not best picture material either, the movie does have some good laughs, heartfelt moments, and empowering scenes. The funniest parts of the movie are essentially anything involving the coaches recruiting Oher to play football; let's just say they shouldn't quit their day jobs (although I do find it funny that each of the coaches shown no longer coaches for the school shown in the movie).
Favorite Quote: Phil Fulmer (former coach of the University of Tennessee): In a serious, almost sexual tone " I want him. I want him bad." (in reference to Michael Oher)
Oscar Winners: Best Actress in a Leading Role - Sandra Bullock
The Lovely Bones (2009) Directed by Peter Jackson Length: 136 minutes Rated PG-13 for mature thematic material involving disturbing violent images and content, and some language
Initially hailed as an Oscar sleeper, The Lovely Bones went on to receive tepid reviews from various critics, coupled with a poor performance at the box office. However, Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) tastefully and beautifully brings Alice Sebold's 2002 novel to life in a fantastical presentation that truly envelops you in the characters and plot. In what could have quickly turned into a tactless, controversial film, Jackson skillfully conducts the movie so as every scene plays out effectively.
The Lovely Bones is considered one of the most acclaimed novels of the modern era; but due to its graphic content, its transition to the big screen has been considered risky business. Set in the early 1970s, our protagonist is Susie Salmon (like the fish), played by young up-and-comer and future star Saoirse Ronan (Atonement, The Way Back), a precocious teenager who dreams of becoming a photographer. Susie has the perfect family and the perfect life, until she is murdered; now Susie finds herself in the inbetween, on the way to heaven: a fantasy world that bends to Susie's whims. Don't worry, this isn't Robin Williams's 1998 stinker What Dreams May Come all over again. The majority of the movie is spent focusing on the fallout of Susie's death on her family, friends, as well as her murderer. I consider the fantasy world just another example of the excellence and skill Jackson showcases when it comes to cinematography: the visual images, colors, and reality that he successfully translates from the pages of the novel to the screen, all with the hint of childish imagination, are breathtaking.
So far my review probably has you asking, "Why was this controversial?" Beyond just being murdered, in the novel, Susie is brutally raped and beaten before being murdered. While the novel goes to great lengths to emphasis the brutality, Jackson faced the difficult task of presenting the crucial scene. Go all out, a la Hot Dog (aka the "Dakota Fanning" rape movie), or choose not to show it at all. Ultimately, the crux of the film is tastefully yet effectively portrayed without relying on graphic violence or content to make a point. I would even go so far as to say the tension and anticipation created during the scene, thanks in large part to the performances of Tucci and Ronan, is utterly amazing. You will be glued to your TV as you just pray Susie will escape: the sense of knowing what is about to happen but not wanting to acknowledge someone could be capable of such a thing...::shudders:: CREEPY!!!!
While I won't go so far as to say the film is the best of all-time, it is a great experience and fantastic movie. The performances are great, the visuals are amazing, the story is gripping, etc. What more could you ask for from a movie? I highly recommend you checking out Peter Jackson's latest. It is great to see that there is life for Jackson beyond the realms of Mordor, possibly one of the greatest fantasy directors of the modern era.
Final Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Oscar Nominations Best Supporting Actor - Stanley Tucci
Kick-Ass (2010) Directed by Matthew Vaughn Length: 117 minutes Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, pervasive language, sexual content, nudity, and some drug use - some involving children
This is definitely not your traditional, knight-in-shining armor super hero movie. Kick-Ass is the everyman perspective on what would happen if the average person decided to fight crime; what ensues is a lot of, well, ass kicking, typically at the expense of the movie's namesake. While you won't go buy the action figures for your kids, Kick-Ass is a refreshing perspective on what is more often a stale and repetitive genre.
The titular character is your average high school, comic collecting geek Dave Lizewski, played by Aaron Johnson (Nowhere Boy, Chat Room). Sticking to your traditional storyline, Dave decides to don a costume and fight crime under the moniker "Kick-Ass". Instead, it seems Dave can only succeed in getting his ass kicked. I really enjoyed the anti-superhero in the fact that Dave isn't some normal guy that is bitten by a radioactive spider or born with mutant powers: he is just a normal guy dreaming of bigger things. Soon, Kick-Ass's antics and internet popularity lead to the attention of the local drug syndicate who believe he is killing the group in hopes of cleaning up the streets.
However, the trues heroes behind these heroic deeds are the awesome duo of Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, respectively played by Nicolas Cage (The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Season of the Witch) and Chloe Moretz (Let Me In, (500) Days of Summer). I'll admit, I've never been a big fan of Nicolas Cage; but he truly is one of the brightest spots in this film. His quirky demeanor and vengeful tutelage of his 11-year old daughter all make for some great scenes - in particular one scene involving Cage's character shooting his daughter repeatedly so she can learn to handle the pain...let's just say it really sums up the movie. But beyond all else, Chloe Moretz is AMAZING! As the 11-year old, foul mouthed, deadly and lethal Hit-Girl, Moretz creates an original anti-hero that announces her presence to the world with a memorable performance. Hit-Girl is Rambo, a dictionary on expletives, The Matrix, and a little girl all rolled into one: very lethal indeed!
Before I get to the negative parts, I want to emphasize that I really enjoyed Kick-Ass; it is a fun movie with lots of laughs and some good action scenes. I left the film entertained and satisfied; however, I did feel that the movie fell short in some regards. The whole idea behind Kick-Ass, based on its graphic novel roots, is an average guy trying to be a super hero and failing, failing majorly hardcore. While Kick-Ass never really does achieve any success in fighting crime, he still gets the girl, he still defeats the villain, he still lives to see another day. As hard as Kick-Ass tries not be just another superhero movie, well, it still is. After reading about some of the differences between the graphic novel the movie is based on, I was even more frustrated by the film. Without going into too much detail at the sake of ruining the story, the book does a much better job of keeping the "heroes" flawed and average as opposed to the film which ultimately just creates another superhero franchise. I realize book-to-movie translations are never perfect, but if you want a better example of anti-heroes, I'd still recommend Watchmen.
In the end, Kick-Ass isn't flawless, but it is a damn good time. It's refreshing to find a superhero movie that avoids being overly serious without being too campy at the same time. Striking the right balance allows the film to transition from comedy to the more dramatic bits with relative ease. As the summer blockbuster season begins to heat up, I seriously hope you'll take the time to check out Kick-Ass...just leave the kids at home for this one.
Final Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Favorite Quote: Kick-Ass: "How do I get a hold of you?" Hit-Girl: "You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it's in the shape of a giant cock!"
I'll admit, the horror genre and I have never been best friends. I am still traumatized by the haunting memories of the truly horrific Ernest Scared Stupid (say what you will, but when you're young, monsters afraid of milk will scare you); however, over the years, I have become more tolerant and appreciative of the genre. While you won't see me in line for the latest slasher flick, I can appreciate a good psychological horror film, a decent zombie movie, or the occasional spine-tinglier that has you tense with anticipation. Paranormal Activity definitely falls into the third category - a film that isn't necessarily scary but has enough tense moments to leave you gripping the pillow a little tighter than usual.
To quickly summarize, the film is shot from a documentary perspective (a la The Blair Witch) and focuses on a young couple being haunted by a demonic spirit. The couple attempt to capture footage of the haunting in order to prove their claims, before it may be too late. While it may not be the most original concept or latest filming style, Paranormal Activity does a good job of creating those tense moments where you know something is about to happen, only to still be scared when it happens. While you can traditionally gauge how scary a film is by how many times I jump (anyone who knows me personally can attest to just how jumpy I am), this low budget film doesn't try to scary you necessarily as much as it tries to creep you out.
The movie is far from flawless, and it definitely fails to live up to the critics' claim of "one of the scariest movie of all time." It is predictable, the characters are horribly and almost comically flawed, and there is no personified evil; all that being said, the film does a good job of creating enough suspense and edginess to still draw you into the tension building scenes. While I certainly wouldn't call it a classic, the film does what it is suppose to: scare you!
Final Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Favorite Quote: Micah: "You're screaming like that over a spider?" Katie: "Well, yeah...did you go run and get the camera first?"
2012 (2009) Directed by Roland Emmerich Length: 158 minutes Rated PG-13 for intense disaster sequences and some languages
Let's start this review off with a little game of Mad-Libs:
This (past) summer, Roland Emmerich brings his latest destruction-filled, CGI-intensive, mayhem-ensuing, end-of-the-world thriller. This time around, the world is threatened by (blank) who/that will destroy civilization as we know it. There will be scenes involving people/cars/planes/etc. running from falling buildings. There will be at least one scene involving a (blank) destroying the White House. One of the main characters will have a broken relationship with his wife that will be repaired as a result of the destruction. And in the end, some brave soul will sacrifice himself by (blank), sparing the fate of humanity.
As you can see from the above attempt at humor, famed king of destruction Roland Emmerich has a formula he likes to stick to when it comes to making a movie. Not simply a MO or similar themes/content consistently present in his films, Emmerich simply reuses the same script for all of his movies, with the major "change" being what is causing the destruction. Look at his track record: Independence Day - aliens, Day After Tomorrow - global warming, 10,000 B.C. - warlords?, so on and so on. Just how many different ways can you destroy the White House on screen? I dare say Roland Emmerich will film them all.
This go around, 2012 focuses on the Mayans and their mysterious calendar that ends on December 21, 2012; a date some believe will mark the end of the world when the planets align. What ensues is a heavy handed attempt to play on your emotions and sense of perseverance and pride in humanity as people around the world band together to survive their imminent demise. There really is no point in summarizing the plot beyond this as I am sure you are familiar with Emmerich's previous works; trust me, nothing is different. The "twist" are predictable, any attempt at symbolism is shallow and laughable, the dialogue is literally laugh-out-loud funny at times, and the "heart-wrenching" moments will once again incite more laughs than tears.
Don't get me wrong, when I watch an action movie or summer popcorn flick, I don't always expect an Oscar-caliber plot or award winning performances. I will in fact give 2012 props where they are due: 1) the science, whether accurate or not, is believable and relatively explained in full, 2) the CGI is pretty good, and 3) there are some chuckles to be had, whether intended or not is another question. That being said, I truly believe I may have enjoyed the film more without dialogue; on multiple occasions I found a scene was ruined or negatively affected by the terrible commentary or pathetic attempt at acting. For a film full of quality actors and actresses, it is hard to see the luster of their star power through all the flies buzzing around this pile, and trust me, I will usually like anything including John Cusack.
All things considered, 2012 is not the worst movie ever, nor is it even close to being considered a good movie. The film relies on caricatures and stereotypes to a fault, the destruction is over-the-top, the dialogue is laughable, so on and so on. The bottom line is, this is just another mindless popcorn thriller aimed at the summer audiences looking for a cheap thrill. Unfortunately, those with a more mature palate will be left with the awful taste of stale popcorn.
Final Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Favorite Quote: President Thomas Wilson: [seconds before the White House is destroyed] "I'm coming home, Dorthy."
Clash of the Titans (2010) Directed by Louis Leterrier Length: 118 minutes Rated PG-13 for fantasy action violence, some frightening images and brief sensuality
Anytime you include ancient mythology in a film, I get a little excited. Granted, my personal interest was always more in Egyptian mythology than Greek/Roman (I blame Stargate for this). So you can imagine my excitement when I saw the initial previews for Clash of the Titans: gods, mythical creatures, CGI battle sequences, hell even 3D! After wasting $14 to see this garbage in 3D on opening night, I can only say I'm thankful we now have a foil to the beautiful 3D and CGI that was Avatar.
A remake of the 1981 campy classic, Clash of the Titans is the story of demigod Perseus who must embrace his "godness" in order to defeat the monstrous Kraken threatening to conquer man. There is really no point in covering the plot since the movie doesn't bother to either. It's one thing to quickly get to the action and keep the pace fast, after all many action films do so quite well. However, it is another thing to make the story seem as if the projectionist is fast-forwarding through any semblance of story in order to cram in more "action" scenes; and by action scenes I mean jerky camera shots that jump so quick you can't tell what you are looking at!
Now is a good time to review the popular money-making phenomenon that is sweeping theaters across the country: 3D. This is a perfect example of what is not acceptable when it comes to the third dimension, and how Avatar (sorry Daniel, it's true) got it right. Clash of the Titans, like Alice in Wonderland and many more 3D films to come, was originally filmed in 2D like most every movie currently is. After filming is completed, the studios decide to convert the film to 3D post-production, all in order to cash in on the 3D craze. Unfortunately, this often leaves the film a bit hazy and skews the colors and contrast. Compare that with Avatar, which was completely filmed in 3D. The images in that film seem crisper, smoother, and more organic. The colors are more vivid, and the extra dimension adds more depth and texture as opposed to simply popping out. Clash of the Titans makes me seriously consider boycotting all 3D films not filmed exclusively in 3D. If you must see this film, I would recommend saving the extra cash and suffer in 2D.
Let's be honest, I don't watch action films for the acting or plot. But dear god, I can't stand when the dialog is so campy that it would be better suited as a B-movie on the Syfy channel! I'm pretty sure I've seen better acting in a 4th grade passion play! The film is just bad. Period. It almost reaches the point of being so bad that it is good. If Mystery Science Theater 3000 still roasted movies, this would be contestant #1! I don't know how else to say it, this film is AWFUL!
So after spending millions of dollars on a piece of crap covered in tinfoil, is there anything good to say about the film? Well, the creature designs are decent for the most part, and the settings are "cool." But for the most part, the film is a giant cesspool of bad acting, one line dialog meant to make 8th graders giggle, jerky action shots, terrible 3D presentation, hazy/blurry visuals that make me feel as if I need to get tested for cataracts, etc etc etc. If you just must see this film, I implore you to save your money and just rent it. Unfortunately, this film will probably be number one at the box office after this weekend; so do us all a favor and don't support such an epic failure. I've never done this before, but I'm pulling it out for this film. I give it a whopping...zero stars!
Final Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
Favorite Quote: "Calm your storm." (Use your 8th grade hormone imagination)
